“Giant proclamations are all very well, but our love is louder than words.”

~Bloc Party

You come to a point, a point where the facts are put in your face, you know what you should do. But you still linger,

I would like to believe everyone has the potential to be a truly amazing person.  I think that some people get lost along the way, something happens to them, they get their heart broken, someone smashes it, and they become bitter, closing their heart off from the whole world.  Or maybe they can partially open it, but they can’t fully plant themselves with another.  So I want to know, what does it take to help them see?

Well, that’s the hardest part, you can’t. You can’t change them, you can’t make them want something, they have to be able to let go of the past and want to move forward.  They have to see that it’s okay to completely trust one person, be with one person. And you can support them, be there, care, but they still have to want it, they have to be ready.

So, what if they’re not ready? What if they can’t choose? It’s simple you have to walk away, you have to say no more.

I believe the past doesn’t define you, it’s part of growing to become who you are going to be, so mistakes are forgotten.  You weren’t apart of their past so why is that important, it’s about now and what they want to make of it.

“If you have to tell someone how badly you want it, then you haven’t shown them how hard you already work for it.”

~John Mayer

“Painful as it may be sometimes, I recommend going through life without the epidural.”

~John Mayer

“I will always care about things I shouldn’t, but that’s a good way of making sure I don’t miss caring about something important.”

~John Mayer

“If I were to give back the regretful experience, I’d also have to give back the lesson I learned from it.”

~John Mayer

“You can listen to all the sage wisdom you want, but things only make sense when you can explain them to yourself in your own words.”

~John Mayer

“Here’s the truth about the truth: it often hurts so we lie.”

~Grey’s Anatomy

“I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don’t dare to let out.”

 ~Ally Carter

I saw this and it got me thinking, everyone has their share of secrets. But honestly, what’s the point in telling? It won’t get you anywhere, I just think if you’re entrusted with a secret, isn’t that enough? Isn’t it enough that you and someone else share a thought or action no one else knows about?  And okay sure, some secrets could destroy, but why bother? Is that really going to fix the situation? No. A secret is more intimate, you look that person in the eyes, and for instant, just for that second, you both know something no one else does.

2 Weeks…..

I’ll be racing the last hour of my 50K, starts at 7am, hoping to be under 6 hours so that’s a 1pm finish.

I’ll be finished my Freshman Year of college, which has been the most incredible experience.

Two weeks, not even two anymore left in this semester, and I’m just going to enjoy and make the most of them, because that’s all you can do.

“Don’t you think it’s better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?”

~Audrey Niffenegger

There is no Black and White.

The title states it all, there are no black and white lines. Yet, as irritating or frustrating as that may seem, which it is at times. It works? No, it doesn’t work, but the endless possibilities are what makes you push on, just to see the outcome.

It teaches self-discipline and patience, you have to be able to keep a straight face, you have to be able to turn off any type of emotion completely. You have to be patient, it’s a delicate matter, per say, you have no control of when anything will happen, but that’s what makes it more intriguing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m probably the biggest optimist in the world, I care too much, and I wear my heart on my sleeve if I let you get close enough to me. I have a theory that things that are least probable and have no chance, can actually be successful. Now why, you may ask? Because it’s effortless, it just happens. Slowly, almost too slow, that you accept no, no, no, that will never happen. No, no, no, it’s not that. But then just as or when you’ve accepted, something happens, something that makes you re-examine the entire picture. And suddenly you think to yourself, could if become when? But then life goes on, and you go back to accepting the no, no, no. Until it happens again, a change, and then you re-examine again. And then these events start happening more frequently, and they are more significant. Yet, there are still no black and white lines, so how can that be possible? How can the no, no, no, not fit but there is no YES, YES, YES?

And what happens when you can’t hold a straight face anymore, what happens in the word’s of John Mayer, what if you don’t want to be an Assassin anymore? What if you start to feel more? Do you walk away still being an Assassin? Or can you give in and make black and white lines?

I’m starting to want black and white lines, I don’t like that, it scares me, that I admit I do, but you come to a realization, and you can’t deny it, it might be the tiniest or simple action, but that wall you’ve been keeping up, starts to crumble.

So, then you’re posed with a new question, do you walk away before it completely crumbles, or do you press for another change, hoping the other Assassin will want to put their weapon down too?

It all boils down to the fact, this Assassin here admits, she wants black and white lines. Something she hasn’t wanted in over two years.